Hova Hooks it UP

The new Jay-Z song, "I Know" is sick as hell. I was really afraid that The Neptunes would never produce anything good again, but they proved me wrong! And of course there is (at least) one line in every Jay-Z song that makes you wonder how he could be so ill and in this song it's:
"And your heart no longer pledge allegiance to me/
Damn, I'm missing the days when you needed the D."

LOL.

But I'm sure you guys have heard the song, so here's the video. The clip stars Zoe Kravitz, daughter of Lenny and Denise Huxtable...er...Lisa Bonet.

"Flashing Lights" Take 3!

The Other Other Kanye West "Flashing Lights" video has been released! Kanye says this will be the last one.



Fuck the what?!

New Reality Show Lineup

OMDB (that's "Over My Dead Body") would I watch some of the reality shows out right now (for instance, "Denise Richards: It's Complicated"). I'm not hoping for anything amazing, but a program of at least "A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila" status would suffice. Luckily, networks are still pumping out new reality shows and have announced a number of new ones for the fall lineup. Here's a few of the most talked about series and my predictions of their success.


New York Goes to Hollywood
VH1 has answered my prayers with this spin-off that follows the ultimate diva New York as she tries to make it in Hollywood.
HIT: Some might be sick of New York, but I really can't think of a more hilarious scenario.

Bad Dads
FOX has ordered this show about deadbeat fathers who don't pay child support! The National Child Support Center will make these d-bags miserable until they are forced to help support their kids.
HIT: If this show features as many angry baby mommas as I think it will, then it will rule.

Black Gold
No, unfortunately this show does not have anything to do with bling, grills, or anything of that nature. It's actually about Matthew McConaughey's brother, Rooster McConaughey and his dirty job in the oil industry. This show will be on truTV...whatever that is.
HIT: Granted, this is the first time I've heard of the network it will be on, but let me just put it this way: Rooster's son is named Miller Lyte. This guy must be a cray! Totally should have gone with Natty Ice..

Untitled T.I. Project
This MTV show will follow the hunky MC for several months before he gets thrown in the slammer.
HIT: Though his relevance is dwindling, T.I. is hot so I have hope.

Untitled 50 Cent Project
MTV is also giving a show to this 'tard. The show is apparently be aimed at the helping the community, and the young adult who wins will receive a college scholarship (WTF, I know).
BOMB: Nah, I'm good!

Border Security USA
The ABC show will document--you guessed it--US border security. Perhaps some of “los emos” will be spotted trying to make their escape from the adversity they face across the border.
BOMB: Sounds fuckin' lame.

Radiohead Greatest Hits Album

Radiohead is releasing a "Best of" album on June 3, 2008! Just a few days away. It will be available both digitally and physically and will include album and live tracks. Wonder if they're gonna let me download it for $0.00 like you better believe I did with In Rainbows! Doubt it though.


Punch me in the face if the following songs are not on there:
"Fake Plastic Trees"
"Just"
"Creep"
"Karma Police"
"Paranoid Android"
"Pyramid Song"
"2+2=5"

Make that a cyber punch though because I could be totally wrong. Those Radioheads are tricky fellas and they did decide to call it "Best of: Radiohead," rather than "Greatest Hits." Does that make a difference?

It Depends(c)

I was under the impression that Amy Winehouse could pull anything off, but her latest look is pushing it. For what reason could she possibly be wearing an adult diaper? Then again, she's probably small enough to fit into actual baby diapers. In that case, I definitely would have gone with a patterned type. Click the pics to enlarge for further examination.

Hm....


Huh?!?!

Shia LaBeefcake

Okay. This is getting to be too much for me handle. Have mercy, Shia.


Ahem, reader. I did not give you permission to rub one out to my man.

Even More Lesbians

Seventh Heaven's Ruthie Camden a.k.a. Mackenzie Rosmond is no longer just the mysteriously black-looking child of an annoying reverend. Now at the age of 18 she is causing a stir with the appearance Miley Cyrus-esque photos of her sucking face with a girl.


Figurez. She's turning out just like her older sister Mary a.k.a. Jessica Beil. I believe this one is from a while ago, but it's still just as priceless.

Lindsay and Sam Forrealreal

Yay! Dirtbag father Michael Lohan has confirmed Lindsay and DJ Samantha Ronson's much speculated relationship! He recently told scholarly journal UsMagazine that their lez-ness "is evident to anyone with a half a brain."


Lindsay and Sam are def. my new fave couple! Love both of those classy bitches! However, Michael isn't quite as pleased about his daughter's new vagitarian lifestyle. He said, "there are some things a father just doesn't want to see or hear." This poor father must see/hear a lot of things that he doesn't want to. Wonder if he saw "Living Lohan." I know I sure as hell didn't.

Maya Lookin' Cool as Always

M.I.A. is on the cover of the new Baby Baby Baby magazine.


DIVA DIVA DIVA.

Tour de Lance

Brain, lung, and testicular cancer! The hearts of Sheryl Crow, Ashley Olsen, and now Kate Hudson! Is there anything that Lance Armstrong can't conquer?



BALLIN'!

Fresh Chode of Bel Air?

As you may have heard, Lil Bow Wow a.k.a. Shad Moss (Haha! I know, right?) has decided to retire as a rap artist! After "six successful albums," he is ready to become "the next Will Smith" and concentrate on acting, Bow Weezy told Hollywood Reporter. This is a travesty. The rap game will never be the same again. And who else will be willing to collaborate with Omarion?

It's funny that Bow Wow has expressed his desire to be the next Will since he accused the much more successful artist of being "bubble gum" a few years back, causing Will to own him in the face with box office statistics. What a clown!

Believe it or not Bow Wow has found work and is going to be in the fifth season of "Entourage" and sports drama "Patriots," which also stars Forest Whitaker (bad move, Forest) and homophobic hottie Isaiah Washington.



Roll Bounce 2 anyone? I am so down.

Only Got 4 Minutes for Tina Chen

For those of you who need to catch up on Tina Chen real fast, here's a video created by a fan, which basically presents the essence of Tina through a brilliant "montage of her classics."



"Miracle of modern science / Christian pop star / public flasher Tina Chen covers Britney Spears' 'Gimme More' with FANTASTIC RESULTS..."
-Youtube User toodope4words

And I believe I have located her Youtube user page finally: youtube.com/user/tinaecmusic!

Youtube Inspired Weezer Video Now on Youtube

Things that are cool about the video for the new Weezer song, "Pork and Beans":

1. Kevin Federline cameo

2. Tay Zonday cameo

3. Let's get some shoes!

4. It's not "Beverly Hills"



Still kind of sucks though, right? If I need a summary of all the online videos that I've wasted my time watching, I'd rather watch the Internet People! I think that song is actually better anyway.

Note the absence of the Chongalicious video in both of these clips!

Superstar Charice Pempengco

I never thought I'd say that I wanted to be a kid from the Philippines, but OH MY GOD, ever since my friend Nick told me about this girl who sang on Ellen a few months back, I have a new idol. This little fifteen year-old, Charice Pempengco, belts it out to my favorite Whitney song, "I Will Always Love You." Yes, I do know it's a Dolly Parton cover and yes, I did consider "The Greatest Love of All."

Angry Mexicans Lend a Hand to Suicidal Teens

Speaking of fourteen year olds...

Fans of emo music in Mexico have been the victims of violent attacks recently. While those of us in America thought we no longer had to worry about anything related to the dying fad, Mexican punks, metalheads, and yes, even our beloved CHOLOS, have been acting out against those in the emo scene (which is apparently still on and poppin' down there).

In all seriousness, though, it's pretty fucked up and I feel bad for these kids. All Mexican emos should come to America, where emos can live happily and marry Ashlee Simpson! I mean, it's not like we have any immigration issues...

Here's a video of an anti-emo riot (featuring no-so-clever subtitles)!



Click here to witness Time magazine using the word "cholo" with absolutely no sense of irony!

Kurt Cobain Rolls Over in Grave

These Kurt Cobain edition Converse may make Courtney Love feel more financially secure, but they just make me feel really uncomfortable...

I suppose these with the lameass insole aren't too bad.



But these ones are just plain fugly!



Who wants to wear shoes with print from Kurt Cobain's journals all over them? Oh, right. All those ninth graders who hang outside of the arcade at the mall.

Duffy is Fucking Awesome

It would be easy to describe Duffy as Amy Winehouse sans the drug addictions. After all, she's also British (like basically every other female buzz artist these days), and she does have the same retro shtick, but she's actually pretty different from Amy...and she might actually have some drug addictions that I don't know about.

Since it doesn't seem like my girl Wino will be fit to make new music anytime soon (even her hotass producer Mark Ronson said so), I realized it was time to find another faux-sixties singer to hold me over. Needless to say, Duffy is less soulful than Wino (who isn't?), but her take on 60's pop is still awesome.

Here's the most upbeat track on her debut album Rockferry, "Mercy."

Shia On Cover of GQ

Shia LaBeouf is gracing the cover of GQ this month, making it more difficult for me to avoid getting a public boner on the grocery store check-out line.



Could he be any more damn fine? I suppose if he wasn't next to Harrison Ford in Indy 4 (which ruled, by the way). Or maybe he'd be hotter if he got arrested just one more time...

Tina Chen--Is She Forreal?

Despite her appearances on Perez Hilton, Christian cover-artist Kristina Chen, is not as well known as I would like her to be. I'm sick of bringing her up to my friends, who have no idea who she is, because then I have to explain that she performs covers of Jonas Brother's songs and that she may or may not be retarded. It draws attention to, not only the fact that I love the Jonas Brothers, but that I feel comfortable laughing at the videos of someone who likely suffers from mental disabilities. But before you judge me, watch some of her videos and judge her! Is she actually mentally challenged or is she just a total genius?

Here's a video of her performing BSB's "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" at the request of her fans.



Yeah, you laughed. Don't even PLAY.

Unfortunately, word is that Tina has stopped making new videos, but there are still plenty on YouTube (THANK GOD). Also, you can still check out her gem of a MySpace (myspace.com/tinaecmusic).

Kanye West "Flashing Lights" Take 2

Upon realizing that I love Kanye for his music and good taste, just as much (okay, almost as much) as I love him for his constant douchebaggery, I've been a huge fan these days. Part of this newfound love stemmed from his sweetass, Spike Jonze directed clip for "Flashing Lights."

Then Yeezy went and made a whole new video for the song, which also rules. It's about a young hottie whose once promising life is on a downward spiral due to her excessive partying a la Lindsay Lohan. But, I mean, let me know if I'm taking this video too seriously by assigning it a moral lesson.

Here's the vid.



And here's the orignal video, in which Kanye gets brutally beaten by an impossibly thick and luscious video honey.